LeBron James’ Employment Background Check: He Stole Our Hearts

Nick Fishman

images (1)By now, everyone knows the LeBron James has decided to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat.  As a lifelong Cavs’ fan, I am stunned, disappointed and even a bit angry.  Don’t get me wrong, I left Cleveland 15 years ago so it would be hypocritical for me to begrudge him for leaving (for the record, I didn’t have a 1 hour show on ESPN to announce my decision).  It’s just the way he left.  Not having the class to tell the Cavs that he wasn’t going to sign with them, announcing his decision to leave the city that show him unconditional love and support on national television and leaving the Cavs no time to sign other big name free agents.

So I guess I’ll cope with this setback the way I often do, humor (or an attempt at such).

Let’s take a look at what LeBron’s employment background check might look like the next time he looks for a job:

Criminal Background Check: Guilty of Stealing the Hearts of the entire city of Cleveland

Motor Vehicle Record: Speeding out of town

Employment Verification: Check out Cavaliers’ owner Dan Gilbert’s reaction. Do we think he would offer a glowing reference:

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.
Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

So long LeBron.  Enjoy the Hurricanes!

Nick Fishman
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Nick Fishman

Nick Fishman is the co-founder of EmployeeScreenIQ, a leading, global employment background screening provider, and serves as the company’s executive vice president and chief marketing officer. He pioneered the creation of EmployeeScreen University, the #1 educational resource on employment background checks for human resources, security and risk management professionals. A recognized industry expert, Nick is a frequent author, presenter and contributor to the news media. Nick is also a licensed private investigator in the states of Ohio and Texas.
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  • Name Dale Markowitz

    Spoken like a true background man. Well stated, maybe you should send it to Dan and ask him to engage your firm before they sign the next spoiled immature super star.

  • That’s a good idea. I might wait until he calms down a bit though. Wouldn’t want him to write a letter about me 🙂